Reimagining Doom: Why the Dark Ages Worked Without Mechs and Dragons

Oh man, Doom: The Dark Ages, right? It’s like, they nailed some parts but then—wait for it—they throw in these wacky sections that just, I don’t know, don’t sit right with me. You’re blasting away with a shotgun, which, by the way, is just the best thing ever, and yet suddenly you’re, um, piloting a big ol’ mech or riding a dragon with, get this, neon freaking wings! I mean, who thought that fit in an FPS game? Maybe someone just got a bit—what’s the word—overambitious?

Anyway, so you’re in this ginormous mech, the Atlan—kind of like Pacific Rim but with Doom vibes. You stomp around, smashing stuff left and right, but you mostly just punch things. Seriously, no chainsaw shield? Like, why wouldn’t they give the mech some killer parry moves? Instead, you’re shuffling around, avoiding attacks like, “Whoa, don’t touch me!” It’s a bit dull, honestly.

Then there’s this huge gun—finally, a moment of hope! You’re blowing up demons, which, okay, classic Doom fun, right? But the gun charges with dodges. Like, what? It doesn’t even make sense. You nail the arena, and then poof, gun’s gone. Every freakin’ time. Just let me keep shooting, folks!

So, yeah, those Atlan bits? They feel kinda half-baked. Like they were onto something, but then just—eh—went sideways. And don’t get me started on the dragon. You’d think a dragon with lasers would be epic. But mostly you’re dodging, waiting to charge up for these lame turret takedowns. Turrets. Why? Where’s the fire-breathing chaos? It’s like, “Here’s a dragon, but make it boring.”

Okay, okay, side note—when the dragon acts more like a space shooter, zooming around and blasting aircrafts? That rocks. Why couldn’t it all be like that? Ditch the dodges and just go full-on space chaos.

Back to the good stuff, Doom: The Dark Ages has this rad medieval-techno mix that’s just, mwah, chef’s kiss. Weapons? Oh, they’re a blast—with the chainsaw shield stealing the show. But when big dream turns awkward, like with the Atlan and dragon fumbles, it’s kinda glaring. Seriously, next time, if there’s a dragon, let it feel as badass as the Slayer himself. Please!