Review of “Tales of the Shire”

Oh boy, where do I even start with this? Ever get that feeling when you walk into a kitchen, expecting a feast, and you leave munching on a lone cracker? That’s kind of how “Tales of the Shire” feels. It’s like, dear hobbits, I love you to bits, but what happened here? Tolkien’s magical little folks, the poster children for coziness—they’re all about hearth and home, right? And good food. Always good food. So when I heard about this game, hopes were high. But wow, talk about undercooked.

So you’re this custom hobbit, plopped down in Bywater. It’s somewhere between the happenings of “The Hobbit” and “The Lord of the Rings.” You bump into Gandalf, and for the die-hard fans, there are these little Easter eggs sprinkled around. Sweet, right? Anyway, you’re trying to get Bywater recognized as a real-deal village within Hobbiton. How? By running around, chatting up other hobbits, and—surprise!—cooking for them. The village is a bit of a maze. I kept zigzagging, thinking, “Haven’t I been here before?” Yet somehow, I kept going. Guess the charm in the writing nudged me along.

Now, cooking is the heart of it. Growing food, gathering wild plants, all leads back to the kitchen. Makes sense, given hobbit lore. But here’s where things get a tad dull. Every quest? Cook for someone, watch them eat, repeat. Cutscenes are cute and all, but man, do they get old fast. And the kicker? Your hobbit never actually gets hungry. Quite the anti-hobbit twist if you ask me. Chillest game ever, though. Nothing goes wrong. Ever. Even when it should, ya know?

Days pass in a blur, much like in other farming sims. Time to cook, fish, chat—yadda yadda. Shops have schedules too, which feels logical but is still kinda routine. Stay up too late? You’ll just sleep in next day. That’s it. Early on, I found myself lingering with nothing much to do. Fast forward? Nope. I just sat there fishing, waiting for bedtime.

Played this on both the Nintendo Switch and the all-new Switch 2. Graphics? Meh. Not offensive, just bland. But those hobbit designs, hmm… a little unsettling. Props for the female dwarf with a beard, though! Frame rate? All over the place, especially on the original Switch. And the Switch 2 didn’t totally fix it. Had a weird bug where the sky turned red out of nowhere. Kinda freaky, wasn’t repeatable on Switch 1. Major issue, though? Crashes. Constantly. Every 20 minutes like clockwork, bam! Start saving often, trust me. After yet another crash setback, I just had to call it quits for the night.

Honestly, “Tales of the Shire” should work. Great idea, some good writing. But it feels like an early draft of what could be fantastic. Factor in those pesky performance glitches, and recommending it feels tough. Really wanted to love it. Maybe someday it’ll blossom into something amazing. Just not today.