Review Mini: Trident’s Tale

Alright, so here’s the thing. Trident’s Tale — huh, can’t say it’s the story everyone’s dying to hear, but let’s dive in anyway. I mean, normally I’d jump at the chance to review a game like this. It’s got that retro feel, you know? Takes me back to the early 2000s, those classic adventure-platforming-action vibes. Gamecube, PS2, Xbox — oh, the nostalgia. Too bad, though. If it landed on those old consoles, they’d throw it back quicker than you can say "cartridge."

Anyway, Trident’s Tale tries to mix it up — you got your 3D platforming, some combat, and these mini-dungeons that scream Zelda. Plus, there’s this naval combat thing going, like Assassin’s Creed wannabe. On paper, it’s neat, if not a bit… repetitive? But as you go on this journey, you gather stuff to craft everything from health potions to ship gizmos. Sounds cool, right? You even meet these companion characters with powers. But man, doing all this was like trying to eat soup with a fork on Switch.

Here’s where it gets messy. The kindest thing I can say? Well, it sucked more a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, it’s had patches, lots of ’em. But still, on Switch, it’s like trying to drive a car with three wheels. The frame rate — oh boy. I swear, it never even flirted with 30 frames-per-second. It was usually more like 20 — or lower. By the time I was in the second dungeon, fighting beginner-level enemies was like wrestling in the mud. Hits wouldn’t land, dodging was a joke, and then poof! The frame rate just tanked. The game crashing became my new normal, kind of like Groundhog Day. I ended up saving after every fight, just to cling to some semblance of progress. Though credit where credit’s due — when I first tested it, moving the camera turned the screen purple, so… slight progress? Maybe.

I wish I could go on and on about Trident’s Tale, but I’m just… lost for words. On Switch, it’s like the game’s still baking in the oven. Perhaps it’s better elsewhere, but do yourself a favor and skip it on Switch. Trust me on this one.